Friday, May 26, 2017

five on friday

It's that time! Linking up with ChristinaApril, and Natasha:

ONE: postpartum depression
AnnaCate is 3.5 months old right now, and I don't know what's going on with my hormones, but everything has been weighing so heavily on me this week. I honestly hate to label anything PPD (we say there's not a stigma but there is! And it's one of those things you can say you had in retrospect but can't say you're going through at the present moment), but this week I feel debilitatingly overwhelmed, have been crying "for no reason," and feel extremely isolated and like a burden. My natural response is to hole up, hermit myself at home, retract from relationships (even and perhaps especially with family), and want to run away. Like, pack up my immediate family and run away. There's a lot going on with my family (outside of the girls and Drew) and everyone's taking it rough, and I don't know how to process / handle it either (even without being directly impacted). Woof. Another perfect storm.

TWO: shopping
The way I have dealt with my feelings this week is by obsessively online shopping. Mostly putting items in my cart and not checking out, but I did order a few things from Abercrombie to try on and see how they work. I haven't bought anything from Abercrombie in a decade, but they've recently been appealing to the young moms crowd and I've been in the market for affordable high quality activewear, so I'm giving it a shot. I really like their marble printed sports bras/leggings and I've wanted something lighter colored (I got the light grey) or white, and this seems like it might be a good compromise (because I am a mom and white is not even remotely practical). Other things I'm obsessing over:  preppy staples and swimsuits. I've been hyper critical about my body lately (and why!? I just had a baby! Give yourself a break, woman!) and scrutinizing what swimsuits will be most flattering once it's legit pool season. As much as I keep thinking one-pieces will be flattering and mom-practical, the part of my body that is the least self-criticized is my upper abs so why am I covering THEM up? I also keep looking at high-necked tops and it's kind of crazy because since I'm nursing I actually have boobs right now (flaunt 'em) and need easy access.

THREE: the postpartum bod
{3 months postpartum mom bod}

I'm all over the place with this one, y'all. I've been trying to kick healthy eating and working out into high gear since the end of April, which is great for overall health, but I tend to pendulum swing on the mental thought / obsessing end of things. So I'm constantly thinking about super fit women's abs and Carrie Underwood legs, convincing myself those are realistic and attainable goals FOR ME, RIGHT NOW, at this stage of my life (i.e. three months postpartum, while nursing a 3-month old, and almost summer). And thinking about how awful my legs and butt look. I was SO gracious and grace-filled after I had Lilly... I had no expectations about what my body would look like or how it would bounce back, so I was pleasantly surprised by its natural ability to regain a new shape and forgiving about how long it took. This time? Not even close. I'm all "I MUST BE PERFECT IMMEDIATELY... WHY AM I NOT PERFECT IMMEDIATELY!?" This is ruining my mood, tainting my thoughts, and overall not being remotely appreciative of how amazing my body is -- I JUST BIRTHED A BABY AND already, I HAVE recovered to very much like my pre-baby body. I can fit in most of my clothes, I am physically able to nourish my baby, I am in excellent health (my blood sugars have been excellent thanks to a closely Paleo diet), and I actually DO like how I look... but I keep convincing myself I'm not perfect and I should be. WHY?!

FOUR: blood sugar alert dog

On a brighter note, I saw this article this week and it made me smile. And remember how much I want a diabetic alert dog (a poodle! named Lulu!). But then I remember how I can't take care of one more thing right now, so that ain't happening anytime soon.

FIVE: vacation planning
Drew and I have been spending some time in the evenings talking over and dreaming about our upcoming Charleston vacation and next year's big Mexico vacay. It always gets us in a great mood and excited. Sometimes I think the preparation and planning can be even more fun than the actual vacation (maybe because of the stress of having small children at the beach? the internal pressure to have a perfect time?), but we always think fondly in retrospect after vacation. Maybe we just need to work on thoroughly enjoying the moment when it DOES come. Especially when family and our small children are involved. And lower our expectations so we can be pleasantly surprised.

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