Sunday, May 15, 2016

leaning in every direction

I'm in the midst of reading I Know How She Does It, which details how highly successful women with families manage their time and maintain some semblance of work-life balance. It's humbling for me, because it forces you to analyze the way you spend the precious commodity of time. The writer challenges the adages that "you spend the majority of your waking hours at work" and "it's impossible to have it all."

(library time -- something I made time for, for the first time in years last week! books!)

In a lot of ways it's encouraging, because incredibly few of these high-powered women actually work 50+ hour weeks, and truly the majority have a nicely balanced life. But it's terrifying on the other hand because it's so challenging -- taking responsibility for the time you have in life? Working on the things that actually matter? Paying attention rather than just letting life pass you by?

It makes me shudder a little, too, because I feel like I've taken such a backseat to business since the birth of my daughter. Not that I regret a minute of focusing on her or our family -- don't get me wrong there -- but just that I worked so hard and successfully built my business for a few years, and now I've definitely resorted to survival mode, just "scraping by" rather than approaching it proactively with a strategy. I don't do a good job of planning out my weeks or intentionally plotting out where I am and where I want to go, in my opinion. I tend to push that thought aside, which is really doing me a disservice in all aspects. I feel guilt-ridden when I go to the library or run errands with Lilly midday, but a "normal" 8-to-5 work day schedule wouldn't work for me anyways. I could really utilize the mindset of this mosaic lifestyle (seeing life through a lens of half-hour increments of time that make up a 168-hour week, rather than getting caught up in 24-hour days and just feeling like everything is out of whack).

I haven't read Lean In, but I feel like from what limited information I have about Sandberg's methodology, I did a pretty dang good job of leaning into building my business up until I got pregnant. I'm a young mom and I want to focus primarily on my family right now, but I also don't want to lose grip of my career altogether. 

What a delicate, complicated dance we must do to navigate these waters of motherhood and career! I like knowing that you don't have to pick either-or, necessarily, but it's also intimidating.

So this is where I'm at now.

Trying to figure things out. A lot of bit lost. Just now learning how to carve out "me time" and work out on a consistent basis. Barely learning to meditate. Uncertain of how to balance out marriage time / date nights / childcare / work life.

(sleeping baby time self care: hot bath!)

2016 still seems so promising for everything. But it's a process. Trying to make good decisions little by little. AGH!

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